Food

Dear Wedding Planner,

I have been reading your column and finding it very helpful. The question I have is this: I am not a vegan. Will there be anything I can eat at Cath and Stefan's wedding? I lost five pounds at a recent wedding where all they served was salad. Would it be really inappropriate to bring some meatloaf in a small, white igloo cooler?

Yours,

Fed up

Dear Fed,

I think it wonderful that you would think to match your igloo cooler to the virginal white dress of the bride! But, in answer to your question - at this point the there is still some discussion as to whether the buffet should be strictly vegan or kosher raw only. So, if there is any concern that one of these diets may present a health problem, by all means, bring your meatloaf. However, I suggest, for etiquette sake, that you tell other guests you are diabetic and inject the meat intravenously.

Be well.

- The Wedding Planner

Vermont Governance

Dear Wedding Planner,

Who rules the Northeast Kingdom? An autocratic monarch or a benevolent dictator? I ask because I am a recently-deposed ruler looking for a new home and people to enslave.

Cordially,

Fallen despot

Dear Fallen,

In answer to your festive question - over the past twenty years, Vermont has experienced many and varied systems of governance - from benevolent dictatorship (Howard Dean) to New York style socialism (Bernard Sanders) to autocratic diarchy (Ben and Jerry). Nobody can say that Vermonters' leadership hasn’t run the gamut politically! Of course, since the Northeast Kingdom unofficially seceded from the state in 1982, it has leaned toward anarchic consensus governance with an incarnate head of state. However, between you and me, currently the Kingdom is between rulers. For the time being, while the public comes to an agreement on what form the new order should take, temporary leadership has been granted to a Holstein in Irasburg. So, from a wedding planner’s point of view, August 23^rd would be an excellent opportunity to start a fledgling colonial empire! Furthermore, Cath and Stefan’s wedding should be a great place to initiate enslavement as there will many subjects there with childbearing hips and healthy teeth.

Good Luck!

- The Wedding Planner