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Dear Wedding Planner,

As a good friend of the bride, I am concerned. I could try and explain (by going back 37 years to the root of it) but I'll be brief. Basically, the bride is very uncomfortable with being the center of attention. She just cannot stand it. Since this is HER wedding and she will be showered with love, affection and attention, I anticipate a complete withdrawal, or worse!

As guests, is there anything we should be doing to help her in this situation?

Sigmund

Dear Sigmund,

Some psychoanalytic theory states that a shy bride is just a shy bride. And there are other theories that say a shy bride is a phallus. Whatever the reason behind this reticent behavior, one thing is clear ... the bride will need to be "reborn" through a process known as "rebirthing" or "compression" therapy where all close friends sit on her the night before the big day, feeding her only cold oatmeal while the "sitters" enjoy tasty snacks, beverage, long, long rambling toasts and dancing. After this evening is over, she will be "reborn" into her wedding day and her discomfort with all the attention will be replaced by a relief that she can once again breathe.

This therapy has a very high success rate and I am SURE she will thank you for your help and concern. Either that or she will revert to the anal phase.

- The Wedding Planner